One of the women in our small group is very pregnant. She’s set to have a C-section in a week and a half. Last night, I prayed for her, that in her impatient waiting she could find peace in the Holy Spirit. When I finished, she said, “Yeah, impatient is right. We’re very ready for this baby to come.” Truth be told, she’s been counting down since she hit her third trimester. It’s hard to be in-between, waiting for one thing to end and another to begin.
Caleb and I are there right now career-wise. His semester is over, and although he still needs to finish his thesis project, our obligations to this particular place are finished. Unfortunately, we don’t have a “next” yet. Caleb’s sending out applications and frantically checking his portfolio website for views. (Hey, someone from Glendale, California looked at my website! Oh no. It was just a bot.) I have a job for however long we need to stay here, but the starving artist thing is going to become a reality if Caleb doesn’t get a job soon, especially as we can only stay in our apartment until mid July. I feel like the Potts family in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. We’re just about to drive off a cliff. We hope our wonderful car does something soon because we can only free fall for so long. We don’t know if we’re going to find a magic portal or sprout wings or release a parachute or narrowly avoid the rocks and turn into a lifeboat. We’re positive we won’t crash or drown (God is wonderful and has given us families we get along with). We’re just impatient for our car to do something already.
This now-and-not-yet feeling is what Advent is made for. But it’s eighty-two degrees outside and the trees are green (finally). This is the time of the church calendar usually reserved for celebrating the resurrection. (Death is broken and we can experience life! Alleluia!) We do this to mirror the time the disciples spent learning from Jesus after his resurrection. I feel like I’ve skipped that and am sitting around, waiting for Pentecost. Promises will be fulfilled. I just don’t know how or when.
I am praying that in my impatient waiting, I will find peace in the Holy Spirit.